To say that the last 18 months or so have been a blur is a gross understatement. Weeks passed by like seconds, and all of a sudden I’m about to become a sophomore in college. Except I won’t be leaving until January, but that’s not what I wanna talk about today. I’m still trying to figure out why this past year went by so much faster than any other. Sure, transitioning from high school to college from one side of ‘Murica to another is a pretty huge change, and big changes do make time pass faster…but I’ve been through bigger changes in my life, so I don’t think that’s the only reason here. Whether I’m hating or loving life, time just refuses to slow the fuck down. A shitty week passes by just as quickly as an awesome one. So I dunno, but something about this particular stage in our lives must be pretty special.
I think 19 is one of the more significant crossroads in life: you’re technically an adult, but no one really treats you life one. And with good reason, too. Having been 19 for almost half a year now, I don’t think I’ve done more than five things that are remotely adult-like. Buying my own groceries? Yeah, that’s a start I guess. We have the freedom to do whatever the fuck we want, but I don’t really think we know how to use it properly. In my first year of college, I think I’ve taken more interesting courses and maybe learned more stuff than I’ve had in all four years of high school…but I still have no idea what or how well I’d do after I graduate. I think all this uncertainty is probably what makes time pass by so quickly. I feel like I’ve experienced more in the past year than I have in all my previous years, yet at the same time I feel like I’ve done absolutely nothing. I’ve lived away from home for the first time ever, but I’m still jobless and completely financially dependent on my parents. Sure, I’ve gotten a glimpse of what it’s like to live alone, but there’s absolutely no way I’d actually survive if I do live alone. Being stuck in this weird limbo state kind of makes you lose track of time and any sort of idea of what’s coming up. At least that’s how I feel anyway.
But this summer feels like a bit of a wake-up call. As my friends are all going back to school, I get this feeling that next year, and probably all the years after are gonna be pretty different. We won’t be as unsure of the future anymore, and we certainly won’t be as carefree as we’ve been the last two years. No more make-believe being adults. Sophomore year’s the time when you start getting serious about everything – with internships and study-abroad programs and jobs and whatever. I know I’m still pretty far away from being an adult, but I dunno, this summer may just be the end of the beginning.