So we’re two-thirds through 2014. This is insane. I feel like it’s only been a couple months since I was knocked down with a fever on New Years Eve and ended up spending 4 days freezing in bed. You know, I’ve always thought that the Northern Hemisphere academic calendar makes time pass by so much quicker. I mean, you start a new academic year in September and don’t finish till mid-way through the next calendar year. You sort of have to juggle two different calendars in your head, and when you make resolutions it’s confusing as shit because when one “year” starts the other is almost over. I lived in New Zealand for over five years, and schools there run from February to December, so you don’t ever get that half-complete feeling you do here America and Canada and whatever. In the Southern Hemisphere where Christmas is not white and June is not warm, school concludes when the year concludes.
But anyway, September is my favorite month. It’s the only time of the year when I actually appreciate school and get excited about meeting new people. In September, I forget that I’m an antisocial loser. And for all that I blame our ridiculously long summer break. It’s not that I don’t appreciate a lengthy well-deserved respite from all the pointless assignments, revolting cafeteria food, and psychotic people…but seriously, ten weeks is way too fucking long for even the laziest of us. If you were to graph summer break it’d probably look like a sad face. The first few weeks are like kissing your anime crush or taking a really good shit (excuse the analogies). Greatest feeling ever. No waking up before 11.30am or sitting next to anyone you want to punch or stab. Then your mom or BFF or someone might drag your lazy ass off your couch and take you on a road trip to Yosemite or something. Days get longer life gets better you get happier. And then it starts to go downhill. You start getting bored and feeling like a useless sack of rice and soon you start wishing school would just hurry the fuck up and start. You even start to miss that balding, Star Wars loving, douche-bag of a professor who gave you a C- last year. Even that annoying ass-kisser who sat next to you in English doesn’t seem half so bad. The last four, five days of break are so excruciatingly long that you actually start to count-down the hours you have till school starts. Like, just please LET ME DO SOMETHING.
Okay, it’s probably just me feeling that way about summer…about this summer in particular because I’m stuck at home for the next four months. So September, usually the month that excites and motivates me, is just a normal month this year. But since I’m not going to school and not doing anything particularly productive until 2015, I might as well set a few goals for myself for this month.
1. Stop whining (off to a great start, as you can see)
2. Blog more frequently than twice a week
3. Finish all the Game of Thrones books no matter how long and tedious they are because the HBO series is fucking awesome and you owe it to fat George to read the damn books.
4. Finish Orange is the New Black
5. Get over the finale of HIMYM
6. Stop trying to trip over little kids
7. Stop hating on little kids
8. Stop imagining that there is a ghost following you when you go out for a midnight trot around the neighborhood
9. Stop going out for midnight trots around the neighborhood
10. Don’t get shot when you visit Dora at USC