Hell

My Awesome Life

So I thought I’d make a confession today: I’m taking steroids.

No, not the kind that turns you into Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger. It’s the type of anti-inflammatory drug that suppresses the immune system so your dumb body doesn’t blindly reject the foreign organ after a transplant. And I’m on it for life, which honestly seems like a damn good thing if I didn’t have to give up the two loves of my life: salt and sugar.

Okay, I guess that warrants a bit more explanation. Steroids like Prednisone, the thing I’m taking right now, can increase blood sugar and make you really hungry and really fat really fast. So if you wanna couple steroids with desserts everyday you’re pretty much sending yourself on the fast track to fat camp. With insulin shots. And uh, salt is just bad for your kidneys, especially those that don’t filter fluids very well. It leaks protein into urine and keeps water inside the body and shit, which makes you puff up like freaking Baymax from Big Hero 6. Excuse my very non-scientific and inarticulate explanations. I ain’t a pre-med major.

A very rational part of me thinks taking steroids to maintain good health is kind of counterintuitive, because my current situation looks a little like this:

Life+steroids+cardio-sugar-salt= DEATH

I’ve always eaten for the hell of eating. For the way it makes me feel rather than the way it affects my body. Oh, and I haven’t worked out in about two years. If I start gaining weight I just stop eating. Then I eat 500000 calories a day. Not even close, but you get the point. It’s all or nothing. I don’t know how to watch my damn diet. Hell, had I known how to watch my diet I wouldn’t be here today after torpedoing my parents’ bank account. Or maybe I would have. I dunno. Not all diseases go away just because you tell them to. You don’t always get what you want even when you do the right things.

I don’t know if I’ll be able control myself. I sure as hell don’t want to. But now I have another chance to actually do the right thing, regardless of the result. Maybe despite my efforts my disease will still come back and destroy the new kidney, but this time I would be able to blame fate rather than myself. And I’m hardly the only person in the equation. You know, it feels bizarrely empowering to know that I can disappoint a bunch of people by just sticking to my usual reckless diet. The right thing would be so much more appealing to impulsive people if it were easier to accomplish.

Well, new year new start, eh?

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