I swear, this has never bothered me once in the past nineteen years and 11 months. Not once. Until I started reading Plato and obviously my thoughts weren’t gonna stay on him and his messed up philosophies, so I started thinking about cats and dogs and what not, and all of a sudden I realized that everything about this world is so fucked up.
That one question we’ve all answered millions of times: Are you a dog person or a cat person? I’ve said dog a million times without registering the question. And I kinda have to remain loyal to my horny, obnoxious adolescent Golden. But now I think: What if I’m a fucking rat person? What if I’m neither feline or canine? What if I want to be pestiline? Like a filthy, despicable, immoral junkie/thief/bum. Why do we have narrow down the infinite and infinitely beautiful pool of wildlife into two of the least exotic and interesting species? I’m sorry if I’ve offended any dog/cat owners, but seriously you can’t deny that a tarantula is slightly more fascinating than a freaking chihuahua.
Maybe this is just the non-existent feminist in me rearing it’s ugly head again, but isn’t it a little unfair that all these…millions and millions of other inhabitants in the animal kingdom don’t get any representation in pop culture? No presence in crude jokes, corny pick-up lines, adorable memes? I mean, what on God’s black black earth is wrong with that?!? The next time I watch a cat video on Instagram or read another book preaching the godly faithfulness of dogs or, God forbid, get asked to pick between one of those damn animals again, I’m just gonna eat a seven-tier cake and hope I die of icing poisoning.
But I really do adore both dogs and cats.