Weee I’m back in the hospital. And it’s fucking awful. It’s 2 a.m. right now and I’m pretty sure no one is asleep…maybe with the exception of my 70-year-old roomie. I’ve been in the ER waiting to be assigned a room in the renal ward for the last 12+ hours. Mind you, 12+ hours ago they told me I only had to wait 1-2 more hours. Weeee. Yeah, you know, fuck this shit. Since I got back to New York about 3 weeks ago, I’ve pretty much contracted every sort of basic illness around – cold, fever, diarrhea, nausea, insomnia due to fever, headaches, cold sweat, and apparently very low white blood count, which is ultimately what landed me in here. Weeeeeeee.
The best thing is that I haven’t gotten a break at all. First it’s the stupid cold that hit me a week after I got here and has FINALLY, ALMOST ended. What kind of fucking cold lasts two fucking weeks? Then cometh my little diarrhea episode that lasted an entire fucking week. I know it’s probably tmi, but I think I’ve gone to the bathroom like 10 times a day that whole week. Now for the last three nights, I haven’t been able to sleep that well. Right before I get into bed, I’d be super cold, like shivering cold. Then I’d wake up in the middle of the night burning like bacon. And I wouldn’t be able to sleep. This morning I took my temperature and it measured 102.9. WEEEEEEEEE.
Which brings us to today. Well today was pretty uneventful. I spent the last 14 hours I’ve been here getting poked my needles, watching my blood squirt all over my bed sheets because my nurse was apparently so amazed by the abundance of my youthful blood, getting antibiotics and other liquids passed into my blood, getting my wee tested about five times (they’re still waiting for my poop sample but hells no), watching Friends, and reading Murakami. Ohh btw, this actually made this miserable day slightly better: in Murakami’s Norwegian Wood, there’s a very graphic lesbian scene between a 13-year-old seductress and her 31-year-old piano teacher. Reading that made me so happy.
ANYWAY, I don’t actually see the point of me being here because there is honestly no way I can sleep in this room. AND I HAVEN’T SHOWERED IN TWO DAYS. OH MY GOD. I’m sure wherever I’m supposed to be transferred to has a shower or at least some shower caps and stuff, but oh no no no not in the ER. THERE IS NOTHING IN THE ER for people who are admitted for a simple fever. Okay, rant over. Not really, but I’m stopping myself. The reason I’ve been writing so infrequently this month is precisely because I’ve been feeling so bad, and it’s been very frustrating. On the one hand, I want to do well at school since I’m behind for a semester, and for the first time in…ever, I’m actually involved with extracurricular activities – internships, clubs, frat. And for the first time in college, I’m actually BUSY. I mean, I’ve never felt BUSY before, and it feels fucking wonderful because it means I’m actually starting to do something right. But my body won’t let me be busy. As soon as I start to push myself, it starts complaining and whining and writhing in pain, and the next thing I know I’m back home. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I guess for the first time since I got my disease, I just wish I could be like a normal kid.