Worlds Apart

Musings/Rants, Writing

My titles have gotten progressively dumber over time. I apologize for that. If I ever write a book I’ll probably have to improve on that. Oh well, don’t judge a book by its cover, amiright?

Anyway, I briefly mentioned in my last post my discomfort with showing my blog to people I know, and I’d just like to explain that a bit more. It has nothing to do with the possible backlash or indifference. I’m used to both of that, especially from friends. If indifference is what I will receive then I’d be more than willing to share this blog on Facebook. A reaction is what I’m nervous about.

Imagine wearing a skanky dress to a club in, say, Ecuador or somewhere far and exotic. It’s miles removed from all the judgmental assholes back home. You feel free and loose for the first time in years. You flirt with everyone and drink everything that smells like it can fuck you over. You’re happier than perhaps you’ve ever been. And you just don’t give a shit because you know no one’s gonna treat you any differently after tonight.

What an awful analogy, but that’s exactly how I feel with about blogging. It’s like wearing a thong in a club and knowing that no matter how many lap dances I give my life in the real world is still going to be the same. You know, holding a secret identity with no strings attached.

Why do I care so much? Don’t I trust my friends or family? Honestly, I’m not sure. Some of them, some of the time, absolutely. But once I show them my blog – all these darkest, truest thoughts I’ve ever had – I’m not gonna be same. I’m not going to write without reservations. I’m going to be haunted by dumbass questions that I just don’t want to care about. What will they think if I say this? Will they be okay if I say I’ve never agreed with them on this thing? What if she thinks I’m attacking her? These are bullshit problems I have to deal with in real life. And the blogosphere is a much simpler, quieter, happier world. It’s a place where I can just write in peace and discover the person I want to be.

I don’t want to censor myself for other people’s sake. That’s not what good writers do. They may be sensitive to public response but they know it’s less valuable than being true to their visions. I’m not there yet. Maybe when I get there I’ll be able to fuse these two worlds and reveal my most private thoughts to the people I consider most important to me.

Advertisements

29 thoughts on “Worlds Apart

  1. Reblogged this on Life and Sex in the Almost City and commented:
    This is painfully true. I think that deep inside us all we have all these worlds and souls that nobody can quantify, yet as you go through your life people build up these brick and mortar identities of you that you can’t break down. They turn your identity into a trap. Sometimes the sad thing is, in real life you find yourself living out how they see you to be, and you aren’t actually allowed to be you, or to grow. I don’t say anything I say here in real life. People don’t know me as that person, and even when I do, people don’t listen because they don’t think I have that authority. I think that’s why I love blogging so much, because like nothing else in the real world, you are not confined by what anyone says; you are truly free.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate 100% to this – keeping my blog hidden from those who know me personally as it was my sweet escape from reality but I have recently began sharing my blog with those do know me, because although it is personal and there may be opinions that others don’t agree with, I got to a stage where I told myself I am entitled to my opinion. Since sharing my blog though, I have learned that I am more cautious with how I word certain things, and myself whether it could possibly offend anyone so if I could undo sharing, would I? Probably.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you, that’s really encouraging that you think I made the right decision. I have still have a lot to establish with my blog, but baby steps. If sharing your blog is something on the agenda, then I’m sure when it happens will be the right time. I hope you get all the support from friends and family you deserve because you have an awesome blog.

        Like

  3. I made my blog for this exact reason: to freely express myself without being held back by my fears of others’ judgements. It’s crazy how the world can both be so condemning but also be so supportive.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can totally relate. I’ve had to keep some of my writing private for complicated reasons. I thought hard about it and I know I did the right thing for me. Someday things might change, but that’s the way things are now.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The more I continued to read your article the more my mouth opened. I used to feel like that…. and now that I think about it, I guess I still do.

    I’m even using a pen name as the author of my blog because I don’t want anyone to find me. But! I’m sure anyone can find out anything about someone else online in less than 5 minutes.

    You started a very good conversation!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If you don’t want to get a job, be discreet with what you post online. Recruiters take into account EVERYTHING that’s attached to your name/email address. I used to have a very opinionated blog in undergrad but quickly deleted it, and my FB, when I realized some stuff should just stay to myself. So, I keep paper journals, which, honestly, are more satisfying to look back on years later…just some thoughts. Even as a writer, your presence, your persona(e) online is entirely up to you, so imagine what kind of character you’re creating that represents you in an online context. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I totally get you. Haha. I came from a conservative religious background and when I started writing about sex, drinking, the occasional joint, and exploring thoughts that didn’t jive with their beliefs all the time, they expressed concern and disapproval about what I was doing, both behind my back and to my face. They have mostly learned to accept me as I am now, which was a nice outcome, although I have since gone “private.” It’s nice to be open with people but I wouldn’t blame you for doing the same, either.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. In a world where we are constantly being judged on our image, the appeal of writing a blog where you can leave all that behind you is huge. On some level I imagine all bloggers share this feeling. The fact that we can look inside ourselves and write without any concern is probably what gives us the chance to explore who we really are. Love your work, keep writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This is something that’s close to my heart. I’ve created and then deleted two separate blogs in the past simply because I was uncomfortable with people reading what I write. I feel that if you write without putting a part of you in the post, what you write will not be worth reading. But when you put a part of you in what you write, you make yourself vulnerable… This is my third blog, the one I write without reservations AND share it freely with people I know and people I don’t..

    Do you know what my About section reads? It says, “For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a writer at my core. Writing is easy but allowing others to read what you write and judge a part of you is difficult. But I now understand the power of vulnerability and with a little courage decided to move my work from between the pages of hidden diaries out in the open for the world to read. Not because they need to hear the story, but because I need to share the story…”

    In fact, since the people I know have read the things I write, they have been somehow drawn closer to me. The relationships are somehow more open and honest. While it’s not necessary to do what I did, it is a very liberating and powerful experience.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve made two blogs before this one too. They didn’t last long because I couldn’t find a community like the one on WordPress. Support is so important for fledging writers. And your intro is beautiful. Hopefully one day I can follow that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hey… I truly connect with ur concern because even I m new to blogging and even though I was writing I wasn’t confident to make it a blog due to the same reasons. I don’t think I ll be ever sharing my blogs on social media for i won’t be looked at as the same person hence.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Personally I agreed with you Secret Identity part besides I find it awesome to have some sort of alter ego/ escapism. Ask for the friend and family bit..the trick is not caring(imo) only one of my friends actually reads mines and it is only to get feedback on writing (style wise).. The trick is to find people who just like you for you(I’m guessing) and to get rid on any sense of doubt….To be honest, if someone has to go through that kind of mental distress like this over your close circle of people…you may want to reevaluate those people roles in your life or don’t stress over too much(though much easier said then done). However, those are all my opinions. IN ANYCASE GREAT WORK Keep on writing!!! (^_^)b

    Like

  12. I totally understand. Everytime a friend looks over as I’m writing I immediately switch tabs. They must think I’m looking at pornography or something, but really I just want something that can be completely my own. Something I can say about my experiences that hasn’t been influenced by what others may think about it. In a way it allows us to be open and vulnerable to judgement, but, at the same time, a harsh comment on WordPress doesn’t have the same bite as being criticized by close friends and family.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This is EXACTLY what I needed to read. I created a wordpress blog because I felt the need to open up; let all the feelings and thoughts bottled up inside of me for years because the people around me (at least) are so quick to judge and create an opinion about me. Even close ones. But recently I’ve been in two minds about whether I’m ready to let people around me, know what I really want to talk about, and know secrets which I’ve been keeping, and I feel “scared”; I feel afraid because I can’t predict their reactions!! I casually placed the link on my personal Twitter account, when I thought I was ready to let people I know, know about me, but there are days when I just don’t want them to know about me and (probably) question me, or take advantage of me, or act in an immature manner which leave me feeling guilty and embarrassed.

    I was looking for a sign to tell me what to do, and your post hit the nail on the head. I don’t think I want friends, family and relatives to know personal stuff about me at all. I’ve made a grave mistake posting my wordpress link on my Twitter profile, and I’m pretty sure, someone must have checked out all my posts and found out about the things I’ve been hiding, but I guess I’ll have to deal with that.

    Once again, thank you. I absolutely love and look forward to your posts as they are so relatable! It would be great if you’d drop by and check out my blog (maybe?)!

    Like

    1. You took a big step forward by sharing your blog with people whose opinions you care about. It’s not a mistake at all. It’s hard to reveal your truest thoughts to those closest to you, but ultimately putting your ideas forward is more important than whatever feedback you may receive. And you’re welcome! Thanks for reading 🙂

      Like

  14. I like my anonymity too for now. I harken back to what a gamer friend of mine told me once when he was trying teach me a game he was playing, “When you’re leveling your character and you’re not sure what to do, save the skill points. You can always use them later.” I guess that is sort of what I think about my real identity, I can always have a “revealing” later if its seems like something I should do. But once you break the jar, you can’t mend it.

    Like

  15. You just explained my life dear. I was so excited to share my blog with my friends, but also nervous and worried. It backfired and their negative feedback and judgment really hurt me. But I’ve realized no two people will ever completely agree in life. It taught me that you must stand your ground and voice your opinion even though you might fear the out come. Blogging has made me more confident and sharing with my friends has given us both a way to understand my thoughts and feeling on a much greater level.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Just about the same, here. No one in the family knows about me having a blog. I don’t like the idea of my visitors’ responses being mandatory (or worse, out of pity). But then again, that’s just me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s